Tie me up

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Tie me up...

Modern bondage is a mind fuck. Linking the mental aspect up with physical pleasure is addictive...so beware!

Traveling back in history bondage has held a place difficult in our modern day to understand. The basis of bondage and the complexity of it is its essence. The unknown, the power, and the adrenaline it evokes create an addiction for some, a coping mechanism for others, and send a few running for the hills! In my opinion, it as a form of mental and physical art…an avenue per say to unleash heights of ecstasy in a fashion unlike any other.

This article is written to give you a micro slice of that pie…mainly appealing to those of you who are curious but discouraged by the “thought” of it and the “taboo” it is commonly known for. It can also offer you seasoned bondage junkies a fun perspective.

If bondage is something you envision Sharon Stone acting out that made you feel hot and naughty then there is hope for you. If you have an end result vision of your partner bound and writhing in pleasure under you skilled command and touch then there is also hope for you. If you have no idea where to begin and previous attempts have left you overwhelmed and discouraged then you will leave this article with more than hope…

There are endless reasons we desire power and or loss of it. Exploration if pure in the world of modern bondage can empower you, expose truth, and unveil layers of inner erotica left hidden by most. For some it may be an artistic expression of love and others a raw form of release. No matter what the core reasons may be, they should be contemplated and assessed for their nature. It is quite frankly that simple…once you have established the fact of pure intention, it would be a sin to hold back!

Modern bondage is for pleasure not pain. Slavery, debasement, humiliation, sadomasochism, etc…are all places bondage held way back when life was much less evolved. Don’t get me wrong, everyone has a certain pain tolerance that should play a factor in the ultimate experience. The line not to cross is the intention behind the infliction of pain. The sting of a paddle on your ass is a pain to appreciate when you yearn for those fingers or tongue to caress your sensitive skin after. The pinch of rope on your wrists while your arms are bound shouldn’t compare to the anticipation and build up it creates by not being able to grab a fist full of hair and let your orgasm ripple through you. Be tough…smile when you bump that bruise the next day and remember the pleasure it brought the night before. You will never experience extreme pleasure unless you play on the line a bit. That being said, the most important element of bondage is TRUST.

The beginning…

It is easier said than done…but who wants easy? Easy is quick to be mundane. Skilled hands in the world of bondage are a must! Fumbling fingers at unraveling knots do not belong in the same sentence with bondage. There is only one way to avoid that dissapointment...PRACTICE first! Practice, preparation, and a whole lot of imagination fueled by desire will lead you to a new level of fulfillment every time.

As a dominant you want complete control of your partners body...why? The ability to inflict the maximum amount of pleasure over and from your partner is as erotic as it gets. To have control over and manipulation of his/her actions and arousal, knowing their body enough to take it up and down and spilling over the edge, giving an order and receiving results knowing your sub wants to please you is key and takes power to accomplish. Honestly...in life everyone wants power even if it is only the power to feel comfortable in their own skin.

As a submissive you want loss of any control. The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders and allows you to race down that long corridor unlocking one chamber after another until you tumble into the castle thrown on all fours! Wherever your mind goes, the premise is to allow it to go, and go deeper. Break free of your inner monologue and let someone else rule you in that moment knowing it can take you places you cannot. Allow yourself to scream the truth and tremble through the ecstasy given to you by your Dom. The more trust you give equals the amount of pleasure you are able to receive.

Breaking the ice and testing the receptive waters of your partner is a place where you can begin your skills. Depending upon how “out of the realm” this may be for your relationship, should determine the tactic. You might start with a text midday warning of your intentions for later. “I want to do something naughty to you later…start thinking kinky!” Or maybe a wager on a game of chess that throws him/her off their game with anticipation. I suggest a straight up discussion. Set yourself up for success with a private evening. Have a drink or two. Make good eye contact and just come out with it. “I would like to try this with you...” Make sure to reaffirm that your normal sex is fulfilling and your intent is to add to your repertoire. Here is where you can begin your skill training. Your ability to assess his/her reaction and progress the conversation is the same concept you will be performing later as the Dom in the bedroom. If the initial response you receive is very hesitant than soften a bit, if it is insecurity progress with a more authoritative approach so that he/she can feel you will lead them into this unknown territory. Pay close attention to the reaction...this skill will be key for later. You may find that your partner is relieved or flattered for you to take such an interest in this area. If you are stirring for more it is most likely your counterpart is as well. If this is someone you are pursuing there is no shame in starting whatever type of relationship it may be with your core desires (again after pure intention is established). No matter what the approach and reaction, it is an injustice to hold such a subject back when there is much pleasure to be gained by exploring.

One way to break into bondage is to plan a couple weekends to devote solely to exploring your desires. A weekend to begin is a good amount of time to work through a plan and execute it, leaving the next weekend for your partner to do the same. The longer time commitment gives you an avenue to get to the core of your curiosity. If this seems overwhelming then you might purchase a few things at a time and build your bondage repertoire slowly. In some relationships the submissive has no desire to dominate, but as a dominant you should always be willing to play the opposite role.

Your mission of breaking into this enticing world of bondage will be a lot easier if both parties are receptive, but if not, don’t get discouraged. Try starting slower and you may be surprised at what you can unleash in someone with the correct approach!

The act…

HAVE A PLAN! For the love of...pleeeeeaze...have a plan. You certainly don't have to be a sailor or master of shibari knots but at a minimum premeditate a goal, scene, start position, etc... The plan can change but there HAS to be one. Learn a few knots that are functional and practice them. There is an entire art to knots that is to be appreciated but it isn't for everyone...my only comment there is; the anticipation of skilled hands tying me up in ways I never imagined makes my sex clench just thinking about it. There are hundreds of great sites to guide you on this, just surf something like "best bondage knots", there are even savvy phone apps for such an enthusiast. Anticipate the ways in which you want to bring him/her to climax as well as yourself. For example; you don't want arms tied apart separately to bedposts if your fantasy is to flip her over and spank her ass to a beautiful shade of pink before you bottom out in her delivering everything you got.

I suggest removing vision from the equation. You want your submissive to use their other senses to lead. Vision leads to over thinking. The counter argument to this is retaining eye contact is erotic as hell and gives neither party a place to hide. Not all agree but taking that sense away at least to start takes a bit of pressure off and trains the body of both parties to pay attention!

Set up the room. Prepare some food or syrups in the correct sizes, dishes, and temperature. Dim the lights, set up candles, music, tasty oils, lasting lubricants, implements, choose your fancy for whatever makes YOU feel sexy! Don’t reveal your plan, have your items ready but hidden until you take his/her vision away. Explore with textures and temperatures, find the sensitive zones, drink in the reaction...this is your secret weapon. When drizzling over one’s body use a zigzag motion verses a straight path. Straight lines don't leave nearly enough to the imagination and anticipation is the KEY! Speak...be naughty and raw, or whisper but don't lose your edge...demand what you want to hear in return. Praise him or her for good behavior…and discipline if that is your fancy for bad. Never leave it to the submissive to make a decision. If you are going to push the limits there is no shame in dancing on that fine line as long as you are paying close attention to the reaction. Limits are just that...limiting but in many cases there for good reason so be careful, especially if you are with someone you are just learning about. Bite, lick, suck, nip, knead, tickle, as long as you mix it up to build anticipation. Take your partner to the brink of orgasm a few times before you unravel their every nerve.

Women can easily enjoy multiple orgasms with little recovery time whereas men typically need at least 15-20 minutes if not more. This is nothing more than a fact and not something to be compensated for! Use the recovery time to enjoy sending her back to ecstasy again. Or remove the blindfold and give him a show pleasing yourself without his touch...that will get the blood flowing back in the correct direction.

Bondage is used for a multitude of reasons... erasing the most traumatizing issues, a way of life, overcoming insecurities, building confidence, natural instinct, or simply adding spice, so don’t forget that when performing...the Act.

The equipment...

My favorite items are dual purpose exquisite jewelry that doubles as an erotic tool. The anticipation alone that builds in public through secret glances and smirks between your partner and yourself is guaranteed to double the intensity for later. A perfect beginning to an evening for example could be to present her with an exquisite choker that duals as a collar. Or a set of ben wa balls for her to play a secretly erotic game in public. Nothing says "I'm into you" like him sliding his hand up your skirt and demanding just one of his balls to be returned. Not only does it show that you were thinking in preparation for the evening, it lengthens the experience by starting it well before you hit the bedroom.

The options are endless and overwhelming, but once you try a few, you will appreciate the variety. Silk, rope, cuffs, and tape are the basics for bondage and a good place to begin.

Silk is a bit tricky... It is great for light restraint and soft play because it feels and looks sexy as hell. The catch being to create a secure knot that doesn't slip or cut off circulation takes a bit of skill.

Rope is best in my opinion. Nylon, solid woven, 6-8 mm or 3/8"- 5/16" thick, 12' & 24' lengths, is easy to maneuver and holds up to even the best of escape artists. Some like hemp rope if you desire an element of pain, but definitely not recommended for beginners.

Cuffs are chic, convenient, sexy, and effective. With the right restraint attachments you are good with little room for error. If time is of the essence then this is definitely the best choice!

Tape can be a bit edgy. Great for role play, quick and effective, and has sort of raw mental aspect to it. Most bondage tape only sticks to itself so it doesn't inflict pain on removal. I wouldn't recommend this option if you are looking for soft and sensual.

Once your submissive is all trussed up just the way you want him/her, it is time to play. Luxury packages are designed for the experience from start to finish. Whips, floggers, paddles, cuffs, clamps, anal stimulators, vibrators, strap-on, etc… If it appeals to you then try it, a few at a time, save some for next time and build your repertoire. Never repeat the same act twice.

A few safety tips; make sure knots are secure and don’t slip tighter cutting off circulation, clamps as a general rule should not be left on for more than 15 min., use a safe word besides “stop” if you are enacting an abduction, rape, or similar fantasy, and don’t leave a bound submissive alone. Mainly just execute common sense…don’t get so far lost in the lust of your actions that you lose reason or most importantly…TRUST.

It is always important to return back to normalcy. Being mercurial is the key to longevity in a fulfilling bdsm lifestyle.

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